Why must faith and politics conflict?

With all the hoopla over whether or not Obama was a muslim, christian or whatever, I have been divided on the issue until now. I wish this article had come out before the election to explain to all of my fundamentalist friends (don't get me wrong, I am a fundamentalist but I attempt to collect the facts prior to making a decision) why Obama is not definitively the anti-Christ. I hope that you will read this article with an open mind and push religion out the door. There's one thing we all agree that you must believe in order to be a Christian and that is salvation through the saving blood of Christ. Enjoy!

<"http://www.theroot.com/id/48879?GT1=38002">

The power of love (no Celine, not the song)

I was reading a blog sent to me by my friend Kim. The blog was authored by a couple who discovered that one of them had cancer. She has since passed away and he continues to write about his struggles. I read an entry today that brought me to tears and I've drawn some conclusions based on what he said and my experiences.

Love is such a strange thing. Real love suffers through diversity. It amazes me how strong love can make people and how much people can endure for the sake of love. People become blinded by it (not always a good thing) and they become strengthened by it. Regardless of the type of relationship, whether it is good or bad, love builds a person into who they are meant to be.

If you get a chance, stop by his blog at http://lyonsfamily.org/. The power of love is overwhelming and few of us are lucky enough to experience it.

A decree

I’m having writer’s block. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all Margaret Cho and try to alleviate my writer's block by claiming my nether regions are haunted (disgusting really). I usually write a lot but when I have an outlet, someone to talk to, these things don’t come as easily. I did sit down the other night to just freely write whatever popped into my head and I love doing that because it’s then, out of nowhere, that these thoughts and words come out that I didn’t know were hiding in the old noggin.

Every once in a while, it’s good to just let every fear, every anxiety, come out through the pen. I don’t like to use the keyboard when I do this kind of writing just good old-fashioned pen to paper because it seems so fundamental, so natural, that way. I’ve noticed, too, that I really only write when I am feeling overwhelmed by a circumstance or I am trying to analyze a situation (which I do a whole lot of). I don’t really write much when things are going well.

Writing for me is a lot like praying. A lot of us only pray when everything seems to be going wrong and we forget God when things are going well. I am so guilty of this, especially as of late. Things have been going really well for me and I’m not leaning on Him as much as I usually do. That’s not a good thing and I must say I’m not proud of it. So I’m issuing a decree. . .it’s a personal one, obviously, but I am going to start focusing on God again. Things always make so much more sense when I am where I’m supposed to be. It’s faith that has gotten me through so many things and made me a conqueror of circumstances that I could have never stood through on my own. If I don’t build on that foundation now, when things are awesome, then I’ll have nothing to stand on when things fall apart, which they will because that is the cycle of life.

Ring around the rosies

I have always hated love songs but it was because I never really, completely understood what they were all about. But now they've begun to make sense. I know...cheesy. A few blogs ago, I declared my desire to find earth shattering romantical kind of love. It's something that I had never experienced before but now I think I'm on the right path.

There's John.

I've loved people but never fallen in love. There's a difference and I didn't know that until I found John. I feel like I'm on a high but completely grounded all at the same time. I've never been more focused or more content. I read an article the other day that basically said that people who have found their mates, intially go all stupid and forgetful (that was sooo us for the first month or two). All they see is the other person and all other responsibilites fall to the wayside but once they settle into a routine things become comfortable and they become very productive. That is definitely true, well at least I think so.

Where my girls at?

I'm not what one would call a feminist by any means, but I am convinced that in a professional setting, I should be held to the same standard. . .without having to dress like a man. No power suits, please. Since I've gone back to school, I’ve been doing a lot of research with a focus on discrimination of women in journalism. It’s caused me to really question a lot of the standards that society has placed on women in the workforce and the role of the woman on the home front. Duh, that’s kind of the point of the project but anyway, I am having a hard time reconciling our places in society and our places in the home.

The second wave of the women's movement in the 70s told us that we can have it all, career and family but if we’re expected to be wife, mom, and professional, then why wouldn’t those same standards are placed on men (in the male terms, obviously)? Why do women have to place their careers on hold in order to raise the family?

At any rate, personally, I believe that a man should be the head of the household and should reign with love and consideration for his family, I am one of the dying few. But I also want to know that when I walk into a job interview, that my skills and qualities are what the employer will be looking for, not whether or not I have testosterone coursing through my body. But that also means duality in child rearing and chores and bill paying. Where is the balance? Is it even possible to find a balance? What do you think?

I ain't crazy!

I have started to psycho analyze myself which is never a good thing. For reasons that I can never fully explain to anyone, I have been having some anxiety attacks and they really aren't that pretty. What's odd is that I have been removed from the situation that has sparked these reactions for several months. I suppose it is the added stress of going back to school, being a single parent (with a lot of support from family and friends), major changes at work and cultivating a new romantic relationship (which should take a lot of work but oddly enough, it really has come entirely too easy).

While a lot of this is good stress, it is still hard to understand why I have reacted in such a way to certain things. I realize that no harm could have come to me in those instances but I still had an unexplainable panic. I suppose it was the inability to control the situation. You become helpless and you freeze.

It helps that someone very close to me has an anxiety disorder and can completely understand. Although mine has just reared it's ugly head, his has been ongoing for several years and has hindered him from fully enjoying life. Things he was once able to do, he can no longer participate in for fear of having an attack. While I hope that his gets better, I'm praying that mine doesn't become a full blown anxiety disorder. I suppose the only thing for me to do is continue to lean on God and rely on faith that He will see us both through.

Someday my prince will come. . .

The divorce is final and I’ve re-entered the world of dating. Yikes. But the transition has been nearly painless as the guy I’m seeing is awesome. We’re reaching the point that most people begin thinking about the, “Where is this going?” conversation. We haven’t had to have that conversation. It was an instant connection. . .and it helps that I went to high school with him so I already knew him, kinda.

Anyway, he’s been great. It’s been truly different than anything I’ve ever experienced. He is honest, forthright, kind and has gone completely out of his way to court me. That is something I have never experienced. I feel adored which is nice because most guys just want you to be flattered that they asked for your number. Give me a break. I don’t want someone whose ego is bigger than their heart. I’ve had enough of that, thank you very much. But the other day, he and I had our first real disagreement. The reasons are moot but I do want to say that it was kind of a shock. I’m not used to the quiet discussion when feelings are hurt, more the loud outrage that is accompanied by the throwing of innocent inanimate objects and destruction of property, so this was new, and honestly, a welcome change.

The issue has been resolved but ultimately, as much as I am still the smitten kitten, it left me with this thought: Dang it! He’s human. A real Prince Charming must not exist. . .but on the other hand, I am no Cinderella, either. Even on my best day, I could never live up to the standard that I place on myself so why would I expect the same from anyone else? In a world that is so cynical and quick to dismiss anything less than an idealized version of perfection, I have to say, I’m still happy with my prince who has a slightly tilted crown. I just hope he’s as happy with a Cinderella who can’t get the birds to chirp just so. . .or sew a dress for that matter!

Chivalry is dead

There was a nice little shower today at quitting time. Yes. God waits until I have to drive home to unleash holy terror in the form of water from the heavens, i.e. rain. But Kim and I are standing under the awning at work just looking at the rain when a male co-worker (who shall remain nameless) comes outside. He watches Kim and I run through the rain to our cars. I am now sitting in the driver’s seat soaking wet and my cell phone begins to ring. It’s Kim, who has made it to her car, albeit with wet cleavage (thank you, Kim, for feeling the need to share), telling me to turn around and have a look. What I see is rather irritating and only proves that society is going to hell in a hand basket. This male co-worker who has just watched us run through the rain has busted out an umbrella and is strolling casually to his car. And they say chivalry is dead. . .

There was, once upon a time, this courtesy that men showed women. I guess it all died with women’s lib. I suppose I have a very traditional view of the roles that men and women play. There are obviously differences between the sexes. While I am mentally capable of handling any job a man can, there are some things that I am not physically able to accomplish. We are all entitled the same rights and levels of respect, but let‘s face it, we have different things to offer.

Upon entering the dating world, I have seen a lot of this first hand. Usually the ones worth keeping still have these common courtesies still in tact. In other words, they‘ve been raised right. Those who don’t. . .well let’s just say that their rears met the curb. If you can’t begin a relationship with the small stuff, then the big stuff is going to be even more of a hindrance. Ultimately, all good relationships, romantic or otherwise, start with at least a tiny bit of common courtesy. Here’s an idea: next time you see someone who will get drenched by a monsoon and you have an umbrella, offer to walk them to their car. It’s a tiny deposit into the bank of respect that will go a long way. I know, that was cheesy, but true.

Say what you need to say

I have found myself, with all my little trust issues, opening up. Yikes! I am still waiting for a pang of disappointment, which at this point is a totally unfounded worry and due in large part to personal insecurity. I don’t want to be taken advantage of but I also don’t want to miss out on something great because of fear. We all do that, I suppose. Let fear keep us from doing or saying what we want. It’s healthy to fear a consequence and we shouldn’t go off all willy nilly to accomplish something that will ultimately hurt us, but we shouldn’t allow the fear of rejection or isolation prevent us from even the slightest possibility of obtaining what we desire.

I have also learned that the possibility of things actually being taken at face value can actually happen. Yes, I know it’s crazy but it’s true and very rare. However, being completely honest for the purpose of making your feelings known (good, bad or indifferent) also presents the risk of being perceived as selfish. I have to say that other’s perceptions usually do not stop me from sharing what I feel compelled to share. If things go unsaid, then there is always that “what if” factor that just makes me uncomfortable. It is hard to find genuine people who are willing to tell the truth. When you do find them, you have to hang on, unless you like hearing lies, in which case ignorance is bliss. Well, it’s bliss until you fall flat on your face because you tripped over your own inflated ego.

So here’s the point: Say what you need to say (thank you, John Mayer) and open up to the possibility that you just might learn something in the process.

Enough said

Faith has to do with things that are not seen and hope with things that are not at hand.
--Saint Thomas Aquinas

Straw paper stuffer

So, I've been thinking. . .I know, stop it. . .that people are really stupid. I mean really really really stupid. I am consistently amazed at how long I have lasted in the field of customer service. I really have no tolerance for people who have their heads stuck in their own rear ends.

During our most recent tropical storm, Edouard, the true idiots came out to play. Our little corner of the state didn't recieve nearly a fraction of the impending doom that the media predicted (that's another rant for another time). All of the Houston-area, with the exception of our little municipality, was shut down. Nothing was open or operating. However, we still recieved calls from people in the height of the storm wondering if their garbage would be picked up. Uh. . .yeah.

That wasn't even the best part of the day! There is a drive through window in our office for payments. A woman drove through and asked me if I could locate the trash trucks for her because she had her garbage in the back of her car and she wanted to take it to them. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with people?

It would be great if someone could explain to me why the general population is so self-involved to be so oblivious to common sense (of which I have very little making the situation so much sadder). Since I don't see that happening anytime soon I guess I'll have to settle for the general public crazies or find a new job like stuffing straws into their wrappers. That would be great.

Greater expectations

I wasn’t too long ago that I decided that people are just too hard to understand. The only person’s motives that I can fully explain are my own. . .well, okay so not all of the time but at least I have control over what I do. Recently, I have learned to completely let go of my expectations of other people and I am finding that I am much happier.

I can’t please people. I can’t even begin to try. I don’t expect people to please me all the time so it shouldn’t be expected of me, either. We all let someone down at some point or another. Guess what? It’s because we are human. Imperfect. Whether or not you think someone will regret a decision or if they choose not to accept your advice is not up to you.

I have a tendency to be a little meticulous and heavy handed when it comes to those that I care about. Truly, it is because I want the best for them but they have to want that for themselves as well. Instead of sitting idly by and watching people screw up, (because really, it‘s like a bad car accident. . .you can‘t help but look) I’ve learned to remove myself from the situation. I have a sick obsession for worrying for someone else when they don’t seem to care enough to do anything for themselves.

Learning to let it all go has been liberating. Learning to love who I am has been even more so. I am something special. We all are. Allowing relationships or circumstances that are beyond our control run us is self destructive and a waste of precious time. Life should be enjoyed. It’s up to us to allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are with no apology.

Short and sweet

Sometimes things just hit you right between the eyes. The good, the bad and the ugly. I love surprises and whirlwinds are not always displeasure because no matter what happens, everything always balances out. But I'm so tired of fighting insecurities and guarding myself against the dull ache of disappointment. I was once a very open person. What I thought or felt was on my sleeve for everyone to see but I am finding post-divorce that letting down my guard is harder than I thought.

The hardest thing about being so cautious is that there are people that I would love to trust. It's nice to believe in honesty but so hard to determine someone's motivation. Since I am so very direct and forth-right, it's a hard to believe that others can be so devious and that they often say things they don't mean to acquire some piece of me for their own gain. I do realize that in order to move forward I will have to learn to trust again, but for now the walls are up. I guess it's up to the right person with the right amount of patience to break them down.

Okay, so, now what?

So after the perfect moments have come and gone. . .you know, the ones I’ll remember forever. . .I’m left with: Well, that was awesome but what happens next? Although I know what I want to happen, it’s never fun to accept the fact that what I want and what I get are two totally opposite things. But I suppose that’s how things are supposed to be if we are to truly have the best.

I am the least patient person when it comes to dealing with other people. At least, I think I am. I am not willing to sit and wait for someone to make up their mind and I want everything to happen yesterday. I make plans and I think of ways to make things happen faster but last night I learned that best laid plans can never be better than what fate already has in store. It’s those times that we just let things happen, when we stop thinking about them (okay in my case, obsessing over them) that they happen.

All of these perfect little moments are a preview of the best that’s yet to come. The future will not be flawless but it will certainly be better than the past. Yes, there will be rough stuff to deal with because it's life, but there will be several picture perfect moments peppered through out.

When lightning strikes

There are always those moments in life that just seem perfect. It's as if lightning strikes and you happen to be standing there with a steel rod. Those moments are few and far between but they are never erased and they almost seem like a Hollywood creation.

I am learning to embrace these moments no matter the consequence, no matter how the situation will turn out. Sometimes it’s worth it just to feel like everything is right even if it is for just a little while. I’m not saying that we should live recklessly because it feels good, but we should at least attempt to live life to its fullest because it’s those little things that make the hard times easier to deal with. When something doesn’t go right it’s awesome to have those “perfect moments” to replay. There is no such thing as too good to be true. Granted things are not always what they seem but they are for a little while, even if it’s just in my head.

I refuse to live with regret and I can only look back to learn but must look forward with a hope for something better. There are some fond memories behind me but greater memories are lying ahead of me and I am determined not to miss out on them because I’m second guessing my decision. I have always felt that my life is segmented by events and it’s amazing to me to see the person I was at each point in my life and the person that I am growing into. I have to be honest, or conceited, and admit that I really like this person that I am becoming.

Oops, I did it again

I was in the shower this morning and was getting out when I realized that I hadn’t washed my hair. My mind was so preoccupied that I didn’t even notice that I hadn’t done it until after I had turned off the water and grabbed a towel so I had to turn the water back on and get back in the shower.

As I turned the water back on, I thought, “Here I go again, over analyzing a situation I have absolutely no control over.” I have such a hard time learning that what is meant to be will find a way and just letting it go. I find that I let whatever is on my mind rule me and that can’t happen. I’m always so curious to know the why’s and how’s that I can never fully let go and just enjoy what life hands me. I can never just enjoy a moment because I‘m wondering what would happen next.

Sometimes it’s good to refrain yourself from doing certain things. Other times it is not. Either way, I’m always left with a sense of “what if”. I don’t want to live a life of regret and sometimes my thoughts and my restraint keeps me from doing what I really should have done. I spend more time weighing out the options than realizing what is in front of me at any particular moment.

I sincerely hope that I am not the only person who does this. That would mean that I am much more hopeless than I originally thought. That would be a sad state of affairs.

OMG!!! YOU'RE THE ONE!!!!

I have been very sullen as of late, which is very out of character for me. I’m usually pretty happy go lucky but something has been plaguing me. It’s this “love” thing. My experiences with it have been muddied by different events. I’m not talking about love in general, but true romantic love. I know the unconditional love of my family and the love I have for my daughter, but the kind of love that chooses you. . .that’s what I just don’t get.

I do believe that I have been in love. I’ve been in various stages of love. Love created my daughter. But I have yet to figure out this can’t eat, can’t sleep, first thought of the morning, butterflies kind of love. I have to admit that I’m jealous of those who have it and I want to experience it. However, I’m not so desperate to have it that I will latch on to whoever crosses my path. I’ve noticed that guys don’t really understand that. They don’t understand that just because that’s what I’m looking for it doesn’t necessarily mean that after a few minutes of talking to you that OMG!!! YOU’RE THE ONE!!!! Nope. I’m waiting for lightning to strike.

There’s a saying that love is just a gamble and it is completely true. When you fall in love, the only thing you can be sure of is how you feel. You have no idea what the other person sincerely thinks or feels about you. Talk is cheap and unfortunately, too many people are out to take advantage of what you have to offer. Sometimes you win and sometimes the house takes it all. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Anticipation is killer

I guess we all have those moments that we feel everything is slightly less than perfect. Lately, I have been feeling as though everything is just shy of being completely right. I don’t even really know what it is that I‘m missing. It’s like I’m waiting for something massively important. Anticipating this thing that I have no clue how to prepare myself for.

Sometimes I wonder if that’s what life is about. Waiting. Is that what we do? We wait for something big to happen. A conversation from Dazed & Confused continually comes to mind when these moods come upon me. It is a philosophical conversation. . .at least as philosophical as Dazed & Confused can get. They discuss how everything is simply preparation for something else. But what we are preparing for? Mike in all his optimism states that we are only waiting for death however, that’s not exactly my sentiments.

There are things that I enjoy and things that I continually work on. I consider myself under construction. I have learned a lot about myself as well as people around me. But what I can’t understand and what really gets under my skin is this feeling that I’m missing out on something that is so obvious. Like not wearing shoes to work.

I suppose that when the pieces all come together you just know. Like you just know when you’re missing something. Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly content with the way things are, but there is something out there that’s waiting just for me.

A work in progress

A couple of weeks ago, I went over to a friend’s house and was amazed at how clean and organized everything was. I thought this was due to company but later, upon a unplanned visit, I realized that it was always that way. I was really impressed because as the mother of a toddler, “clean” is a term open to interpretation. At any rate, this particular friend had some areas of their life that they felt was out of control and it dawned on me that the lack of control in one area manifested in an “OCD” desire to control their environment.

This little enlightenment on this behavior brought me to another conclusion. Sometimes there are things that we just don’t have any say in and trying to make up for it in other ways does not necessarily lead to happiness. Just because there was order in the midst of emotional chaos, it did not solve any of the real issues. Sometimes the only thing we can do is let it go and place it in the hands of God.

My true source of joy is knowing that these things that I can’t control are teeny tiny to God and that there is nothing He won’t handle for me. Soon enough, all of my disappointments and set backs are going to work together for the best and everything will be as it should. So until then, I will continue to grow into the person that God is shaping me to be.

I used to think that if I didn’t understand what someone’s motivation was, that they were just plain wrong for being that way. As I have gotten older I have had to learn to accept people for who they are. Doesn’t mean that I always understand, it just means that I recognize that I can’t change people. Learning to do that has really allowed me to accept myself.

We all have faults and tiny imperfections. Duh. But I’ve found that letting myself just allow people to be who they are, I am giving myself permission to be who I am. Although I try desperately to understand what motivates some people, it’s nearly impossible. Mostly because they themselves can’t always explain the why. However, the little light bulb does come on from time to time and I really enjoy the “sneak peek” into someone’s mind.

A time to read

I’ve just finished reading Queen of Babble Gets Hitched. I began it this morning at the Doctor’s office (since I waited for two hours and watched two people wheeled out on stretchers which did not make me opimistic about my prognosis) and finished it at approximately 4:45 this afternoon. But the story was an interesting one, nonetheless. The author, Meg Cabbot, has an uncanny ability to show love in a real way. It’s not the creepy romance novel, swooping-her-hoop-skirt-over-her-head-in-the-barn kind of love. I mean, cause really, who does that?

Anyway, it illustrated a point through this story that has clearly manifested itself to me time and again. Love is not an easy thing. There are those moments that you will never return for anything, but love is never black and white. There are all kinds of shades of grey. Love makes you do stupid things. Love blinds you. Love makes you trust without the slightest hint of a second thought. And ultimately, love confuses us to the point that we don’t know what kind of love we’re in.

There are different kinds of love. The ones I have observed so far are: protective love, friend love, romantic love and parental love. Protective love is a tricky one. I find that it is the one most confused with romantic love and it is also the one closest to friend love. Protective love is where we feel that we must save someone from themselves. I am so guilty of this and I’ve had to learn to discern this love from the others.

The heroine of the book I‘ve read, which I completely feel for because I am totally like her in a lot of ways, is caught between the man she is engaged to, who is perfect in all kinds of ways but totally wrong for her, and his best friend, who genuinely loves her and all of her quirks. Of course, I’ve never been in that particular situation. I simply relate to the way she can’t keep her mouth shut and her love for vintage clothing, not that I have the money to purchase or wear vintage clothing. But anyway, her friends all tell her that it is clear she loves his best friend and that he feels the same way but she doesn’t listen. . .Isn’t that how it is, though? It takes a lot of nerve for friends and family to tell us what they really feel about the people we feel that we have fallen for. It’s not an easy subject to tackle. “Oh, by the way, you’re making a huge mistake. . .” Who wants to say that?

At any rate, all’s well that ends well. But to quote from the book, “Because as I know from my study of the philosophy of time, whatever is going to happen in the future is already unavoidable.” Try wrapping your head around that one on cold medicine!