Big

Saturday evening we watched Big.

Throw back to a time when kids acted like kids.  A 13 year old boy was far more innocent than he is today.  Watch any Disney show for tweeners these days and you'll see a stark difference between entertainment for kids of the 80s and kids now.

As a matter of fact, the lack of quality acting and somewhat crude or cruel jokes has gotten some of these Disney shows banned from our home.  Jessie being one of them.

But I digress.

As we watched Big, Hadley and I reenacted the FAO Schwartz scene.  Elizabeth Perkins recaptured the essence of innocence by unknowingly dating an overgrown 13 year old and as they stood in front of a booth at the fair, beautiful music floated through the air and Hadley and I decided to dance with the characters of the film.  We twirled around the living room.  Hudson began to sway and I scooped him up in my arms as Hadley danced with Daddy.  When Hudson had enough dancing, John swooped in to fill his place in my arms.  I closed my eyes, nestled my head onto his shoulder and took in the moment.  The music of the movie began to fade and was replaced by the sound of the dishwasher as it whirred and the kids laughed and ran circles around us, their little feet pattering across the tile,  creating a whole new orchestra of sound.

These moments used to only happen in retrospect for me.  Typically these moments are marred by a "to do" list a mile long and thinking about the piles of dirty laundry lined up in the hallway or the fact that the car battery may be dead.  As I am getting older and my children are growing faster than I'd like, I've found myself stopping far more often and appreciating the moment I'm in rather than worrying about the things that are keeping me from enjoying them.  I've stopped planning the future fun and living for this minute.

My babies will only be little for such a short time.  Why am I wasting it?

I Will Follow Him

So I'm using the title to draw you in, because, really?  Who can resist a play on words?  Especially a play on words that was used in Sister Act?  Sister Act!!!  A movie I may have watched about a bijillion times and I still get chills when Tanya Tucker's voice comes from the little red headed nun.  I will never be able to explain that.

In all seriousness, though, I have been truly struggling with the concept of how we as Christians relate to the world around us.  I feel like I have been pushing the first and most important commandment, love, so hard that I've lost sight of His law at times.  I feel so much disdain for legalism that I sometimes forget how important the law is to those who believe.

Mind what I said here and emphasize it, the law is important to those who believe.  While this world may have been made for us we have to remember that it is quiet broken.  It's broken before we enter via birth, it's broken when we get here and it will always be broken until the triumphant return of Christ.  We cannot expect to win every soul to Christ by slamming the law down over their heads.  There is no desire to serve Christ if we start there.

Do not love this world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.

I John 2:15-16

So let's break that down.  The lust of the flesh is sexual immorality (let's refrain from being hoochies), the lust of the eyes is materialism or greed (eyes on your own paper people) and the pride of life is position and power (check your ego at the door).  These are the loves of the world.  We cannot serve these things and truly be followers of Christ.  Some of these things are stumbling blocks because, again, we are a broken people.  There's one thing on this list that I didn't see in reference to the world...people.  People are not "the world" but they are in the world.  "People" is a term with which we refer to the weak vessels of clay that house the beautiful, treasured, created soul that God has placed within.  When we discuss issues that pertain to the Christian you must remember that "the world" are things or actions within this sphere while people are something totally separate. 

If you're still with me, I'm going to list a few things that place me at odds with other believers.  But I challenge you to explore the meaning and purpose behind each and see what falls more in line with what God has for us rather than the world.

I believe in the separation of church and state.

• A politician who believes in Christ will allow that belief to effect his job, because that is what believers are called to do, but it should not be the sole reason he is elected.  Who is the best person for said job?
• God gave us free will to decide how we are to live our lives.  Why should our faith impose on someone else if God himself refuses to impose on them?  Let them choose.
• Contrary to popular Christian opinion, this country is solidly based on this premise.  It's historical.  Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Payne and Benjamin Franklin were deists; meaning they believed there was a god but not the God that I believe in.  They included this premise solely for the purpose of freedom.

I believe in the right to choose life.

• I feel as though there should be more transparency and information in the clinics that perform something I myself could never do.  Like what the baby looks like at that stage of development, for example.
• This is someone else's decision to make, the same free will premise applies.
• I completely disagree with this decision on a personal level and I pray earnestly for those I know and have known to make this decision.
• See most of the reasons behind the separation of church and state.

I believe that the poor should receive assistance and that all of us should have the same access to health care.

• After all, what did Jesus say about this?
• Secondly, I have been in this situation.  It's hard to know that you must choose between feeding your family or paying your bills.  Not everyone is expecting a hand out of your hard-earned money that is a blessing from God.
• Perhaps if we truly practiced this ourselves we wouldn't need the government to provide programs and aid to others since that seems to be the most common objective I hear, "I don't want the government to tell me I have to do it!"
• See the parable of the talents.

I believe in gun control.

• I am all for you have a gun if you want but I will never understand the need to have weapons that can mow down innocent people in a theater or children who are in a place of education.
• The second amendment was written to allow citizens the right to bear arms against a tyrannical government.  Not to collect weapons for the fun of it.
• Our current system is just not working.  How many more people have to die before we protect one another?  Why are we being so prideful about this?

I realize that my post is long and if you're still reading I truly appreciate it.  Mostly this blog is for my own personal release of thoughts and feelings but I post it here rather than my journal because maybe, just maybe, it may help someone or provide a different perspective on a tumbling world.  If you have any thoughts or feelings on these points I would love to hear them.  I'm always open for meaningful, thought provoking and respectful discussion.

Much love!

You are doing it wrong

What if I told you that you were doing your faith all wrong?  Would you get angry?  Of course you would.  I did.  But today’s methodology of following Christ is being lost in culture and it irks me to no end until I realized that I was trying to softly love people to God.  Sometimes you have to go all crazy tough love on people to get them to see the truth.  I can do that so easily with my family, my kids or my husband but I struggle with the general masses and most especially on the issue of faith.  Here's what's happening in a nutshell:

Conservative Christianity says you have to go by the law.

Progressive Christianity says you have to go by love.

The Truth says it is both.

It’s so easy to find your faith sucked into one of these two categories; thus the way to perdition is wide and the way to God is narrow.  It's easy to believe you are right when you have a large group that agrees with you on issues, uses the same verbiage or tactics but it does not make your way of going about it right.

Ephesians 2:8 says it is grace that saves us.  It is a gift.  None should boast because we are created by Him.  All of these other things are not as important as the true thing which is that we were created as a good work (Genesis 1:31) to perform good works (Ephesians 2:10).  Good works.  We are a good work required to perform good works.  Easy equation.  What about this is so hard? 

Created Good Work = Performer of Good Work

Here are some cultural issues related to what the two sides consider a "good work" and the fallacies that they are.

If your good work is protecting something that was given to you from someone less fortunate then you are lost.  If you feel as though you “worked hard” for something that God has blessed you with then your heart is not in the right place.  Working hard and a good work are two different things.  God placed provision for the orphan and the widow; it is your responsibility to care for them.  Secondly, if you’re more worried about how someone else’s life choices affect you and yours then you are blocking out the sun with the plank in your eye.  There is good news to be shared and that is that He loved the ENTIRE world, regardless of their sin, and sent His precious Son to die.  He DIED.  Why are we objectifying that sacrifice by deciding that sin has variable degrees?  Stop beating people over the head with the law and praying that they come to Christ.  It’s not going to work.

If your good work is making someone feel okay about their sinful choices then you are lost.  If you think that all people can arrive at the same God we serve by exploring other options then you are not a Christian.  It is plainly stated that there is only ONE way.  There are no Buddhist Christians.  That’s like saying you’re a carnivorous vegetarian.  It does not exist.  Stop telling people that sin is okay and hoping that they’ll see Jesus for the love He has for them.  Is it okay for your spouse okay to cheat on you as long as they’re happy?  No.  So don’t expect God to see your efforts as valiant if you cannot stand the thought of being honest and hurting someone’s feelings.  The truth must be spoken and in that regard tact goes a long way.

Jesus was the master at telling people the truth in a way that shocked and provoked thought.  Of course He offended people because the truth can be offensive...why shy away from lighting the way?  But I often ask myself if that was His only intention...to offend.  The answer is no.  He was sent to seek and save that which was lost (Luke 19:10) by the necessary means.  So let's merge these two ideologies and pull the truth out of our rears where we've seemed to have hidden it.  We need to spread the unconditional love of the God with the rebuke of sin on an individual basis.  A change in the heart has the potential to change society.  Make the Gospel a grassroots movement and not a political one.  That is how it started after all.

If something in this message offends you then perhaps you should start digging into it and figure out why it bothers you.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  You will not insult me if you disagree. 

The woman I want to be

I want to be the woman who is exhausted.

I want to be the woman who has too many lines around her eyes.

I want to be the woman who is not well kept at all times.

I want to be the woman who is never flawless.

I want to be the woman whose hands are rough and dry.

I want to be the woman whose feet and back ache every night.

I want to be the woman who does more than she should.

I want to be the woman who asks for little in return.

I want to be the woman who makes the most of little and celebrates the lot.

I want to be the woman that despite all of these things her eyes sparkle because she knows that the people she loves most are well cared for and happy.  Those things make her happy.  Those things fulfill her day.  It may not be the life that she could have ever envisioned for herself but it's the one that makes her most content.

I want to be that woman.  There is honor in honest living.  Charm is deceptive.  Beauty is fleeting.  Love is eternal.

Proverbs 31:30-31

I broke it.

I would be lying if I said the last two years of my marriage have been easy.  The sad part in all this is that I was solely responsible for the damage.

Anyone who knows my husband knows how personable, charismatic and down right likable he is when he wants to be.  He's very easy going and takes things as they come.  He is more anti-plan than anyone I've ever met because he likes to go where the wind blows.

I know what you're thinking.  What did I do to mess things up?  You want the dirt.  Did I cheat on him (I'd rather die)?  Did I throw away his favorite sweater?  Did I make him stop doing the things he likes to do?  Did I cut him off from the entire world?  Was I too jealous or possessive?

No.

I didn't listen.  I didn't look at him.  I didn't pay attention.

Communication died.

He didn't point any of these things out to me because he isn't one to do that.  I realized them when I quit my job to stay home and my daily adult interaction was greatly diminished.  Without the distraction of everyone else's drama and the personal stress of working and balancing our home caused I fully realized that he was just going through the motions of being married.  I had killed every ounce of romance with my daily "to do" list and my incessant need to plan and control.

So how do I fix it?

I'm starting by understanding that my love for God should be showing through the love I share in my relationships.  I have to let myself be soft in most situations when the control is not as important as my husband feeling validated.  Does it really matter what we have for dinner?  Does it really matter if he doesn't go where I want him to go when I want him to go ALL THE TIME?  Some things and some decisions are important and he knows when to listen.  I don't have to dictate everything we do and when we're going to do it.  That kind of behavior can wear anyone down.

I have a long way to go to repair and edify the man that I love but I'm determined to do it.  I refuse to let the one person created for me feel like any less than the great gift he is to me and my children.  Sure, we'll get on each other's nerves and we'll disagree from time to time but that's a regular marriage.  The one thing I do know for sure is that with grace and time all can be made right...and that's a truth for any relationship.

But you're just a girl

This morning I cracked my Bible for the first time in 2014.  Every morning, while the boy naps, I open the pages of this book.  There are times when the hustle and bustle of out the scheduled norm takes me away from digging into scripture but I usually find my way back once routine returns.  The funny thing is that the older I get the more focused I am in finding insights and sharing my thoughts on what I read.

Right now, I'm following the study on www.SheReadsTruth.com.  The fabulous thing about it is that even if you only have a few minutes a day the scripture and accompanying discussion is powerful.  It really maximizes your time with God.  I typically have about 30 minutes to an hour during nap time but some days, as toddlers do, he decides that sleeping just isn't on his agenda.

So, the current series is on new beginnings.  What better place to start than creation, right?  Something struck me this morning during my reading, Adam's declaration in Genesis 2:23.

"And Adam said:

This is now bone of my bones

Flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man."

My first thought, "Awww, the first love poem..."  Then I started to wonder about what it actually means to be a woman in Biblical terms and began digging into the commentary at the bottom of my Bible.  What I found there struck me with a profound sense of satisfaction.  

See, I've always felt like people look at me like I'm not capable of specific things because I'm petite with blond hair and blue eyes.  I'm somehow fragile or weak or less intelligent because of the way that I look.  But God says no.  No to the idea that a woman is somehow less than a man.  No to the idea that she isn't capable of being as intelligent or weak simply because she can't bench press a couple hundred pounds of iron or open a jar of pickles.  I'll have you know that I open my fair share of jars in this house.

Earlier in chapter 2, God says that he wants Adam to have a "comparable helper."  I can see all the feminists getting hot under the collar.  Hold up.  The term "helper" is not negative in any way.  In fact, God is also referred to as a help in a time of need (Psalm 33:20) and most of us know that God is the biggest, baddest helper of them all.   Women were not created to be secondary to man like some leftover afterthought but to be a companion to man; hence, the rib.  Women are created to be a just right fit with man.

The truly spectacular thing is Adam's reaction to Eve when she is presented to him.  His love poem extols that she is just like him but different.  This intrigues and astounds him.  She is intelligent, not like any other creature he had seen on the earth.  He gave her the name Woman, which is just like his name but different.  A perfect and suitable match to him.  He is completely enamored with her.

Martin Luther said it best, "God might have taken a bone from a toe and thus signified that Adam was to rule over her; or He might have taken a bone from his head to indicate her rule over him.  But by taking a bone from his side, God implied equality and mutual respect."

The Fall brought a much more pronounced difference between the sexes but I will contend until my dying breath that we are all equal.  We are all worthy of respect without limitation to our ability.

As a side note, I am snacking on an apple as I write.  Coincidence?

Warning! Warning! Too Invested In This World!

The thoughts on how to approach this subject have been rolling in my mind like little pebbles in the bed of a stream for several weeks.  Nothing was coming together coherently and I didn't know how to put it in writing.  Droplets of conversation, comments in movies or books, and social media have fueled this post.  On Sunday this video finally pushed the words to the edge and the dam that was stalling full comprehension and thought was completely demolished.

The words that needed to be spoken flooded through my pen and onto my church bulletin with ferocity.  I can only explain it as supernatural; craziness to anyone who doesn't understand how God works.  The one thing I can say with certainty is that this message must be spoken to all who will listen.  I'm insisting.

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 

Matthew 7:4 NIV

Christians, you have been deceived!  You are too invested in this world's politics and protecting your hard earned wealth.  Your determination to protect what you have accumulated from others is completely contradictory to the teachings of Christ.  Politics cannot and will not honor your Father.  It holds you in bondage and keeps your mind pinned to things that will do nothing but harm His kingdom.

His commandment was to first and foremost love God and others.  Stop picketing with signs of judgment and condemnation.  Put that energy into something that glorifies God.  Prayer is a far more powerful tool than poster board and a hug is far louder than a bullhorn.  The enemy has you so concerned with the sin and judgment of others and how terrible this world is that you don't even notice that your condemnation of the actions of others is driving people away from the radical grace that saved YOU.  You are not entitled to His love and grace.  He gave it freely to each and every one of His created people and you are wasting that gift; hoarding it as though if it is shared you will diminish your salvation.  If you've ever lied, which we all have, then you have sin that is just as black as murder or lust.  God cannot tolerate sin and yet you've determined that there are sins far worse than any that you've committed.  

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40 NIV

You are called to be a vessel of the Holy Spirit.  You are to teach and preach His good news.  Instead you are picketing the courthouse steps and screaming hellfire and brimstone to those who need to hear of His mercy, grace and love.  You will change nothing.  The only way to see real transformation is through love.  THAT is your job.  THAT is His commission to us.

Let me put it this way.  Judas betrayed Christ because He was not a messiah bent on overthrowing the political oppression of the day.  He wasn't storming Rome and telling Caeser to hit the pavement.  Sound familiar?  Because of this Judas sent Jesus to the cross to die a humble, humiliating and excruciating death.  Was it all for not?

I know this will spark debate.  I am prepared for whatever backlash this may present.  After all, how can I say this to a group of people who will remain hardened and not expect some type of denial or judgment.  Ultimately, I hope this brings forth thought and careful consideration to those who are willing to hear it.  As my pastor so astutely stated, "The Kingdom of God is seen in transformed lives that live very differently from the world around us--that seek to love the least, the last and the lost, that care for the downtrodden and aren't focused on personal fulfillment and getting their fair share."



The video is one of the many wonderful productions created by Gateway Community Church's creative team.  If you'd like to see more you can visit their vimeo at http://vimeo.com/video4gateway.  This video was not created for this blog.

Crack That Book Open

I met a woman this afternoon who had no front teeth.  When she saw my baby boy she smiled.  He looked at her confused wondering where her teeth were.  People like her carry a stigma: she must be poor if she can't get that fixed, she's probably a drug addict, she must be slow.  The story of a hard life was written all over her face but her smile sealed the stereotype of  a poor, drug addict working a part time job at the grocery store because she wasn't very bright.

The truth is something that most people don't really want to hear.  Her teeth had been knocked out by a former significant other.  "He took my teeth," were her words.  She was working at the grocery store because she wasn't allowed to think of herself as anything other than his punching bag so now this was all she was capable of doing.  Thankfully, a shelter had taken her in and saved her from this man, but the rest of the damage had been done.  My heart broke.

Society doesn't afford people who have had a rough go to be anything more than a loser.  We treat these people who need more love than others as a burden; someone to gawk at and presume we know their situation.  I know the despair this woman endured.  It's a pain and a fear that no person should ever encounter.  The person you sleep next to, the one who made a vow to protect you, is actually responsible for torturing you on a regular basis and may one day kill you.  If you are lucky enough to escape with your life then you must deal with the psychological damage.  You collapse at the thought of conflict and the walls close in if the exit of any room is blocked.  Some nights you wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down your face because he's entered your dreams.  I know that fear.  I was lucky.

It all sounds like a Lifetime movie, I know, but this stuff really does happen.  Relationships never start out violent.  It's always really good in the beginning until there's an argument that gets just a little too heated.  Then the next time it goes a little further.  Two or three years down the road you start to realize that you never wear things you want to because they've been deemed inappropriate, you don't participate in activities because you don't want the third degree on where you've been and every time there is a conflict there's another hole in the wall where it met the back of your head.  You're too ashamed to admit that you're battered.  You're Jennie Garth in Lies Of The Heart or Judith Light in one of the fifty movies she's done on the subject.

My new sister who survived the struggle is not just another stereotype.  She is hope.  Hope that there is life on the other side of a terrible situation.  Hope that even after such trauma there is still a reason to smile.  If you bother to open the tattered and weathered cover of her story you can see that she is strong.  She is beautiful.

Some of us have a support system praying and waiting for us to make the decision to get out.  A lot of us do not.  For those who don't there is help: http://www.bayareaturningpoint.org/

Christian? No, thank you.

The term Christian has become one of the most controversial labels applied to a believer today.  I was recently attacked on Twitter for attempting to explain an aspect of my faith.  His Twitter handle was Religulous.  Can't say that I didn't expect to have someone who actively pursues debate with someone who holds a different belief to understand or agree with me on any aspect of my faith.  At any rate, it got me to thinking.  What is a Christian?

It is not:
A political affiliation
A position of judgment
A rallying cry for the moral
Denying others rights or freedoms afforded to you
Believing that you are better off than anyone else
Exempt from sin

The Right has so brainwashed most of American Christians, mainly in the South, that in order to be on the side of good that you must be Conservative.  Not true!  If you look at the words of Jesus and even attempt to align them with a political party then you're missing the whole point.  He wants you to love and accept people where they are.  Don't worry about what He says is sinful behavior on their part and lay that focus on yourself.  Just allow yourself to be a conduit of His love and mercy.

If you wake up every morning with a determination to preach hell-fire and brimstone to a lost soul then consider it gone from the beginning.  Cornering someone in a supermarket or Facebook messaging that one gay/lesbian person you know about saving them from Hell then you will have a hard time convincing them that God loves them.  A decision to follow Christ is not always an immediate decision and we must respect His timing as perfect...because it is.  Not to mention that those actions make it appear that you have no struggle with sin and that you believe you are superior because you happened to make the decision to follow Christ sooner.  In reality, none of us are any better than a murder sitting on death row.  A sin is a sin.  There is no variation of color when it comes to what is clean and what is dirty.  We're all dirty.

So what is a Christ Follower (my preferred term)?

It is:
A person who is committed to carrying out the Great Commission
Someone who expresses love, which is a choice and not a feeling, to everyone equally
Giving freely to the poor including the man on the corner
Recognizing that you above all have sinned and fallen far short of God's glory

I am not saying that God's Word is void of anything other than the command to love.  I'm saying that I would prefer to live like God has told me to without worrying about every political move the president makes, without slandering someone who doesn't believe like I do or worrying about the dust in someone else's eye because Lord knows I have planks in my own.  I'm going to live my life dictated by hope.  That is what a Christ Follower does.

Ahhhh, love. . .

So I'm over my PMS/Menstrual rage and I've run across some notes I jotted down a few weeks ago. I tend to get thoughts and inspiration in waves. In this case, they came to me while driving to lunch with my honey. I was thinking about how much different and special this relationship is in comparison to anything I had previously. There were so many things that I now have that I did not before and the irony is, I didn't even know what I was missing. Here's what those messy "driving while writing" notes said:

Love endures.

Love allows for mistakes. (And, as it turns out, cranky days when your hormones are uncontrollable.)

BUT love does not cause damage.

Love means accepting a person just as they are but refusing to accept inappropriate behavior.

Love is holding someone accountable to do what's right according to God.

Love is an intimacy, another gift, that is given by God and we must handle it with care, just as our salvation.

Beyond falling in love, when our brains go all wonky, it is a choice to love someone. It is a promise and it takes work.

Love is having the safety to express any emotion you may feel and knowing that it will be handled with the utmost care.

So those are the things that decided to find their way into my head that day. I realize that this all can be found in Corinthians but this was a personal revelation to me. I love when that happens. It makes you realize just how blessed you truly are.

Stick it in your ear

I realized today that during the course of my lifetime I have taken a lot of crap off of people. I didn't start out this way but eventually I grew complacent and non-confrontational. I still attempt to pick my battles wisely and I chalk a lot of behavior up to people's motivation and past but it's gotten to the point that I've had enough.

Choosing to be happy is not selfishness. Making decisions based on what makes me happy is healthy. However, some people make life decisions based on what someone else says they should do, what would make someone else happy and claim that others are selfish for not making them the priority. Now, I ask you, does that even make sense? The answer for the slow kids in the class would be NO!

I went the opposite direction. I made bad decisions based on the fact that it would open a door for escape and really miff some people. But now I say forget that mess! My decisions now are based solely on what is best for my health, happiness and well-being because if I'm happy I have a solid basis to raise my daughter as a happy and productive member of society. That is my ultimate goal.

Love is never truly understood until it is spoken in our language and God places those certain people in our lives to show us through them how much He loves us. My angel speaks it to me on a daily basis, with slobbery kisses and a tiny head lock. She provides endless hours of entertainment and amusement. My fiance shows me what love is by going out of his way to ensure my happiness. He is my sounding board, my support and my comfort.

This is my life and these are my decisions. Deal with it or take your toxicity elsewhere. I am unbelievably blessed and quite frankly, I don't care who likes it or doesn't. I didn't know it could be this good.

Humble Me

Understanding love is a never ending process. It grows day to day and it's the subject of many songs, stories, books, and movies. As of late, I have truly come to understand how love fits into everything.

I was on my way to work this morning listening to Norah Jones, Humble Me. It reminded me a lot of my previous marriage. At this point, I have found a love that it true and normal compared to the abnormal to which I have been consistently exposed. As I listened I began to wonder: Are we exposed to people who show us what love is not just so that we're open to what love should be?

I suppose we appreciate it more when it comes our way if our experience hasn't been all butterflies and rainbows. Truly, if it were already that, would we need to ever leave our first loves? And how does God fit into all this?

Obviously, God committed the ultimate act of love by sacrificing His Son. I suppose we truly do not know love until we are able to embrace God's love for us. Even after salvation, that tends to be hard to comprehend. We lose sight of Him and thereby become the self-centered creatures that we tend to be.

As with anything, I believe He gives us specific relationships and experiences for a reason and a season. We are forever learning and growing but to really start the process, we have to trust Him.

Where is your heart?

On my way to work the other morning, I was listening to the local Contemporary Christian station, and I heard the DJ ask a question that as a Christian I have heard over and over again but today it took on a whole new meaning: Does God have your heart?

I am a born-again Christian and I have been since I was a young girl. My faith has carried me through some of the most difficult times of my life. Without it, I would have been a much bigger mess than I was. So when the question was asked, I knew without a doubt that He has my heart but I began to understand it in a different way.

When you give someone your heart, when you fall in love, everything is devoted to the other person. Your time, your energy and your every thought is given to the other person. It is the same with God. He wants His love for me to be requieted. It's not hard to feel overwhelming appreciation for the gift of eternal life but it is harder to remain in love with God because we are selfish creatures. Like any relationship, on our part, it takes work to maintain that relationship. God is always there, regardless, and now, because of the people He has placed in my life, I can understand exactly what He wants from me. It's the same as the desires I have for those people and the love I desire from them that God wants from me. And just like those relationships, I can't make them love me, God is in the same position. But He never gives up.

His love for me is astounding. What's even more, He feels the same about you. It's such an overwhelming idea. It's so big that none of us will ever understand. Those of us who accept His love are so fortunate. So what about you? Have you given your heart to God? He's given you His.

It's been decided

I have the cutest kid EVER! I love her so much and thank God every day for her. She teaches me so much and makes me smile every day!

And kids really do say the darndest things. Among my favorites:
Have you lost my mind?
I love you this much!
Everybody loves me.

This is why I call her my Angel Butt!

It's so not fair

Why don't guys ever just indulge a girl and take her to see the stupid, sappy chick flicks? We sit through countless hours of football, basketball, action movies. . .JUST TAKE ME TO SEE BRIDE WARS!!!!!!

Okay, I feel better.

The power of love (no Celine, not the song)

I was reading a blog sent to me by my friend Kim. The blog was authored by a couple who discovered that one of them had cancer. She has since passed away and he continues to write about his struggles. I read an entry today that brought me to tears and I've drawn some conclusions based on what he said and my experiences.

Love is such a strange thing. Real love suffers through diversity. It amazes me how strong love can make people and how much people can endure for the sake of love. People become blinded by it (not always a good thing) and they become strengthened by it. Regardless of the type of relationship, whether it is good or bad, love builds a person into who they are meant to be.

If you get a chance, stop by his blog at http://lyonsfamily.org/. The power of love is overwhelming and few of us are lucky enough to experience it.

Ring around the rosies

I have always hated love songs but it was because I never really, completely understood what they were all about. But now they've begun to make sense. I know...cheesy. A few blogs ago, I declared my desire to find earth shattering romantical kind of love. It's something that I had never experienced before but now I think I'm on the right path.

There's John.

I've loved people but never fallen in love. There's a difference and I didn't know that until I found John. I feel like I'm on a high but completely grounded all at the same time. I've never been more focused or more content. I read an article the other day that basically said that people who have found their mates, intially go all stupid and forgetful (that was sooo us for the first month or two). All they see is the other person and all other responsibilites fall to the wayside but once they settle into a routine things become comfortable and they become very productive. That is definitely true, well at least I think so.

OMG!!! YOU'RE THE ONE!!!!

I have been very sullen as of late, which is very out of character for me. I’m usually pretty happy go lucky but something has been plaguing me. It’s this “love” thing. My experiences with it have been muddied by different events. I’m not talking about love in general, but true romantic love. I know the unconditional love of my family and the love I have for my daughter, but the kind of love that chooses you. . .that’s what I just don’t get.

I do believe that I have been in love. I’ve been in various stages of love. Love created my daughter. But I have yet to figure out this can’t eat, can’t sleep, first thought of the morning, butterflies kind of love. I have to admit that I’m jealous of those who have it and I want to experience it. However, I’m not so desperate to have it that I will latch on to whoever crosses my path. I’ve noticed that guys don’t really understand that. They don’t understand that just because that’s what I’m looking for it doesn’t necessarily mean that after a few minutes of talking to you that OMG!!! YOU’RE THE ONE!!!! Nope. I’m waiting for lightning to strike.

There’s a saying that love is just a gamble and it is completely true. When you fall in love, the only thing you can be sure of is how you feel. You have no idea what the other person sincerely thinks or feels about you. Talk is cheap and unfortunately, too many people are out to take advantage of what you have to offer. Sometimes you win and sometimes the house takes it all. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

A time to read

I’ve just finished reading Queen of Babble Gets Hitched. I began it this morning at the Doctor’s office (since I waited for two hours and watched two people wheeled out on stretchers which did not make me opimistic about my prognosis) and finished it at approximately 4:45 this afternoon. But the story was an interesting one, nonetheless. The author, Meg Cabbot, has an uncanny ability to show love in a real way. It’s not the creepy romance novel, swooping-her-hoop-skirt-over-her-head-in-the-barn kind of love. I mean, cause really, who does that?

Anyway, it illustrated a point through this story that has clearly manifested itself to me time and again. Love is not an easy thing. There are those moments that you will never return for anything, but love is never black and white. There are all kinds of shades of grey. Love makes you do stupid things. Love blinds you. Love makes you trust without the slightest hint of a second thought. And ultimately, love confuses us to the point that we don’t know what kind of love we’re in.

There are different kinds of love. The ones I have observed so far are: protective love, friend love, romantic love and parental love. Protective love is a tricky one. I find that it is the one most confused with romantic love and it is also the one closest to friend love. Protective love is where we feel that we must save someone from themselves. I am so guilty of this and I’ve had to learn to discern this love from the others.

The heroine of the book I‘ve read, which I completely feel for because I am totally like her in a lot of ways, is caught between the man she is engaged to, who is perfect in all kinds of ways but totally wrong for her, and his best friend, who genuinely loves her and all of her quirks. Of course, I’ve never been in that particular situation. I simply relate to the way she can’t keep her mouth shut and her love for vintage clothing, not that I have the money to purchase or wear vintage clothing. But anyway, her friends all tell her that it is clear she loves his best friend and that he feels the same way but she doesn’t listen. . .Isn’t that how it is, though? It takes a lot of nerve for friends and family to tell us what they really feel about the people we feel that we have fallen for. It’s not an easy subject to tackle. “Oh, by the way, you’re making a huge mistake. . .” Who wants to say that?

At any rate, all’s well that ends well. But to quote from the book, “Because as I know from my study of the philosophy of time, whatever is going to happen in the future is already unavoidable.” Try wrapping your head around that one on cold medicine!