Insanity

Everyone knows the definition of insanity.

Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.

America is insane.

At least once a week I get a news notification on my phone about another mass shooting somewhere in America...yet nothing changes.  There have been 74 school shootings JUST THIS YEAR, and if you're keeping track it's only June.  That's 74 incidents in six months.  We shake our heads, wipe the tears of our mourning (unless you're Joe Plumber) and keep everything else in place.  After all, what is America about without the Second Amendment?

Well, we aren't about being first in Education.  That's for sure.  Because if we were we would know enough to read the Second Amendment within the context of the time of which is was written (much as the Bible has been neglected out of context but that is another post for another time).  Redcoats, Revolution...anyone?  No one is taking away your right to have a gun but everyone is wondering why nothing has changed in regard to how they are obtained and where the line of absolution is drawn in the wake of a tragedy.

Something HAS to give.  There are double locks on the doors at my child's school.  I have to be buzzed in to see her at lunch.  No, there is nothing wrong with added safety but what happens when the threat is already inside the school with her?  We live in Texas so I would venture to say that the vast majority of the children at her school are in homes where more than one gun is owned.  Should I send her to school armed with one of these bullet resistant blankets and hope I'm able to pick her up alive?

This image is heartbreaking.  This idea that we must teach our kids to protect themselves from an active shooter so that Joe Plumber can avoid change.  It's pure torture that a parent must consider these alternatives in today's world ALL because people are so worried about their entitlement being removed.  I'm so sorry to inform you that my child is also entitled.  She's entitled to a childhood.  A childhood where her only fear should be of the shadows in her closet and NOT the ticker on the news.  I should not have to answer questions about kids her age dying because someone took their mother's guns and showed up on campus that day.  I should not have to leave Target because some nut job thinks it's his right to show up with an assault rifle and expect me and my kids to get over it.  Who's to say HE isn't the next Elliot Roger?

Changes can and have been made in other countries after these events happen and the statistical changes in those countries should be enough to instigate a thorough investigation into what we can do to prevent any further loss of life.

Australia
The U.K.
Canada & Japan

Contrary to popular political beliefs (especially in the South), Obama has a terrible record on gun control.  As a matter of fact, our political biases and our inability as a nation to come together on anything has most likely made the situation worse.  But, no, we're too busy concerning ourselves with what goes on in the bedrooms of homosexuals than we are protecting our children from clear and present danger.  You can't change others but you can certainly change legislation to prevent kids from dying.  I'd say that something worth looking into.

What do we do?  If you're a parent, what would you do?  I certainly don't want to homeschool my child.  I don't want to feed the fear monster that lives at the bottom of my television screen.  Yes, bad guys are going to get guns no matter how strictly regulated but shouldn't we do what we can to slow the tidal wave?

Keep your guns.  By all means, that is one of the foundations of our freedoms.  But let's consider some alternatives to helping keep others safe from those who intend harm.  Is that too much to ask  I'm sure the parents of Allison Wyatt wouldn't think so.

And the family of Rachel D'Avino wouldn't complain.

Place your child's image in this thread.  Or your spouse.  Consider how you would feel if they were gone because a registered gun owner went nuts one day.  Would you tell me that you would say, "Well, they obtained it legally so I guess it's okay by me."

I highly doubt that would be your answer.

Eat A Sandwich

I have fought writing this for months.  Considering my last post was a few months ago and it was on the topic of excuses as to why I don't look like a fitness model, I really didn't want to write another post on body image.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to escape it.

There's a new term hanging around these days.  You may have heard it in the media.

Shaming.

Fat.
Skinny.
Slut.
Parent.
Kids.
Bullies.
Pets.

The list goes on and on.  People are not only using the mainstream media to shame others or outcry against shaming but they're taking to social media.  Parents post images of their kids after they pooped in the crib (because Junior will really appreciate that being brought up at his job interview in 20 years).  Pets are holding signs declaring that they tore up the living room.  Teenagers are holding signs saying they stole money from mom's purse (also, great interview material).  Trolls scan images of girls in half dress or girls who are not the ideal societal body type and rip them to shreds.

She's tall and thin.  The angle the photo was taken makes her appear even taller.  It wasn't Health's use of this woman as a model for an article titled, "Walk off 10 pounds in 3 weeks with this routine" that I found appalling (that was just poor planning on the part of social media director), it was the comments found below the picture that made me sick.

How about put on 20 pounds. She looks like a piece of rope.

Anorexia nervosa

Excessive use of Photoshop.

Looks like she walked off her ass

She needs to walk herself to the donut shop and find herself ten pounds to put on...

That girl is way too skinny

This girl looks ill

This chick needs a cheeseburger, plain and simple.

Not attractive, not what you want to crawl up to in bed. Those boney limbs poking you would hurt. Cheeseburger, fries, shake and cake. I'm surprised she has enough strength to walk. My biggest fear is that something would break during sex!

The last comment was my personal favorite.  Wonder if my husband feels that way?  To be fair, I've walked around my whole life and I've never broken anything.  And if this guy delivers, I'll be happy to take a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.

Do you know how many times I've heard these exact same things?  As a matter of fact, I stopped wearing all forms of skirts, dresses and shorts in middle school because I was tired of hearing the term "chicken legs" and I didn't start wearing them again until long after I graduated high school  I was tormented by everyone for having a "flat chest" and I rarely wore sleeveless shirts because of the "toothpicks" I had for arms.  This isn't a blog about how terribly I was bullied, because adolescence just sucks and everyone is teased about something.  This is moreso how we treat one another based on ideals conditioned by society because to this day I still get comments about how skinny I am.  

For some reason, it's okay to shame a skinny girl because she's skinny.  It's okay to poke fun at stereotypes like the one where we somehow "forget to eat," is a skinny person problem.  Oh, we're so funny because we're anorexic.  Haha.

Stop telling us to eat a sandwich.  Stop telling us that we need to put on a few pounds.  We can't.  My husband can tell you that a few years ago I tried to gain muscle mass.  Protein powders, heavy protein meals, supplements, work outs...nothing worked.

Also, don't assume that a skinny girl has an eating disorder unless you see without a doubt that she has symptoms of one (and contrary to popular belief, it's not a "lucky" disorder to have).  Here's a list you should check if you think someone is struggling:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anorexia/basics/symptoms/con-20033002

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bulimia/basics/symptoms/con-20033050

On the other hand, it is not okay to tell someone they need to lose a few pounds or to tell them they need to eat less.

Having any kind of comment to make about someone else's body, a generalized meme to post on social media, a comment on the way someone looks or dresses is not appropriate unless it is a compliment, and no, I don't consider remarks about how skinny I am to be a compliment.

Each one of these women are beautiful.  They all weigh the same.  They all carry it differently.  All that matters is that they are healthy.  No social standard of beauty should dampen that.  Body image is hard enough in the battlefields of our own minds, none of us need anyone else adding fuel to the flames of warfare.  Granted, there are times when unhealthy habits will need to be addressed but there's a difference between concern and being a flat out jerk.  Sometimes it's a fine line but if you have to start the comment with "He/She looks like" and there's something unflattering attached to the end of the comment then it's best left unsaid.

What about you?  Do you have an insecurity that others seem to comment on?  Are you guilty of picking on someone because of the way they look?

Be a change agent.

Oh, and leave Junior's unsavory moments off Facebook.  His future depends on it.

Excuses, excuses

So, I'm late to the party on this one:

Let me just point out, I look nothing like Maria Kang.  I'm thin, yes, but I'm not a fitness model or a wellness coach.  I don't have three kids under the age of three.  That's pure insanity and kudos to those who can manage.  Odds are this woman was in fantastic shape prior to getting pregnant and during her pregnancy.  You don't just pop into the gym with an 8 month old, much less two other small children, and manage to look like this.  But I digress.

What's my excuse?

Well, I don't have one.

I have reasons.  Three really good reasons that fill up my newsfeed or Instagram account on a daily basis.  Three really pretty reasons, if I do say so myself.  I also have a small business and a church that I give some time to.  Up until last semester, I was also in school part time.  By the time I lay my head on my pillow, around midnight usually, my day has been filled with projects, clients, homework, cooking, cleaning and diapers.  And I love it.  That's my life.  That's my reason.

She's recently been under fire again with a new picture and a new "no excuse" campaign.  She's attempting to be "inspirational" and not understanding that her priorities don't equate to everyone else's priorities and that's really what this is all about.  She.  Just.  Doesn't.  Get.  It.

You can read the entire article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/07/maria-kang-photo-excuse_n_4918766.html.

I go for gusto in everything I do.  To look like this I would have to spend a few hours a week in a gym.  That means something in my life would slip.  I'm not willing to give up that time with my family or my business or my church to make sure I'm a "hot mom."  Sister, we aren't all built to be "strong, not skinny."  These images and this "campaign" is unintentionally shaming people into thinking we don't do enough when the truth of the matter is that we all do too much.

In the article she says that to raise a healthy child you must be a  healthy parent.  Well, duh.  But healthy isn't all about the body.  My daughter doesn't need to see me pose in my short shorts and my sports bra to get the idea that eating right and staying active is healthy.  She needs to see me live a life of faith.  She needs to see me take care of her and interact with others in a positive way.

If these images motivate you then by all means use them!!!  If they don't, then don't.  My problem is this: these things have a way of burying themselves in your subconscious.  They pop up when you're doing something as insignificant as putting on your jeans that you don't wear like you did before the last kid.  Let's think about the definition of health and the definition of excuse.  Put these two things in perspective before attempting to "motivate" the world by insinuating that we're all a bunch of fat losers if we don't look like you.

Bitter?  No.  Irritated?  Yes.

My life is not her life.  My path is not her path.  My family is not her family.  I look the way I look and live the way I live because I want it that way.  No excuse to be found.

I Will Follow Him

So I'm using the title to draw you in, because, really?  Who can resist a play on words?  Especially a play on words that was used in Sister Act?  Sister Act!!!  A movie I may have watched about a bijillion times and I still get chills when Tanya Tucker's voice comes from the little red headed nun.  I will never be able to explain that.

In all seriousness, though, I have been truly struggling with the concept of how we as Christians relate to the world around us.  I feel like I have been pushing the first and most important commandment, love, so hard that I've lost sight of His law at times.  I feel so much disdain for legalism that I sometimes forget how important the law is to those who believe.

Mind what I said here and emphasize it, the law is important to those who believe.  While this world may have been made for us we have to remember that it is quiet broken.  It's broken before we enter via birth, it's broken when we get here and it will always be broken until the triumphant return of Christ.  We cannot expect to win every soul to Christ by slamming the law down over their heads.  There is no desire to serve Christ if we start there.

Do not love this world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.

I John 2:15-16

So let's break that down.  The lust of the flesh is sexual immorality (let's refrain from being hoochies), the lust of the eyes is materialism or greed (eyes on your own paper people) and the pride of life is position and power (check your ego at the door).  These are the loves of the world.  We cannot serve these things and truly be followers of Christ.  Some of these things are stumbling blocks because, again, we are a broken people.  There's one thing on this list that I didn't see in reference to the world...people.  People are not "the world" but they are in the world.  "People" is a term with which we refer to the weak vessels of clay that house the beautiful, treasured, created soul that God has placed within.  When we discuss issues that pertain to the Christian you must remember that "the world" are things or actions within this sphere while people are something totally separate. 

If you're still with me, I'm going to list a few things that place me at odds with other believers.  But I challenge you to explore the meaning and purpose behind each and see what falls more in line with what God has for us rather than the world.

I believe in the separation of church and state.

• A politician who believes in Christ will allow that belief to effect his job, because that is what believers are called to do, but it should not be the sole reason he is elected.  Who is the best person for said job?
• God gave us free will to decide how we are to live our lives.  Why should our faith impose on someone else if God himself refuses to impose on them?  Let them choose.
• Contrary to popular Christian opinion, this country is solidly based on this premise.  It's historical.  Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Payne and Benjamin Franklin were deists; meaning they believed there was a god but not the God that I believe in.  They included this premise solely for the purpose of freedom.

I believe in the right to choose life.

• I feel as though there should be more transparency and information in the clinics that perform something I myself could never do.  Like what the baby looks like at that stage of development, for example.
• This is someone else's decision to make, the same free will premise applies.
• I completely disagree with this decision on a personal level and I pray earnestly for those I know and have known to make this decision.
• See most of the reasons behind the separation of church and state.

I believe that the poor should receive assistance and that all of us should have the same access to health care.

• After all, what did Jesus say about this?
• Secondly, I have been in this situation.  It's hard to know that you must choose between feeding your family or paying your bills.  Not everyone is expecting a hand out of your hard-earned money that is a blessing from God.
• Perhaps if we truly practiced this ourselves we wouldn't need the government to provide programs and aid to others since that seems to be the most common objective I hear, "I don't want the government to tell me I have to do it!"
• See the parable of the talents.

I believe in gun control.

• I am all for you have a gun if you want but I will never understand the need to have weapons that can mow down innocent people in a theater or children who are in a place of education.
• The second amendment was written to allow citizens the right to bear arms against a tyrannical government.  Not to collect weapons for the fun of it.
• Our current system is just not working.  How many more people have to die before we protect one another?  Why are we being so prideful about this?

I realize that my post is long and if you're still reading I truly appreciate it.  Mostly this blog is for my own personal release of thoughts and feelings but I post it here rather than my journal because maybe, just maybe, it may help someone or provide a different perspective on a tumbling world.  If you have any thoughts or feelings on these points I would love to hear them.  I'm always open for meaningful, thought provoking and respectful discussion.

Much love!

But you're just a girl

This morning I cracked my Bible for the first time in 2014.  Every morning, while the boy naps, I open the pages of this book.  There are times when the hustle and bustle of out the scheduled norm takes me away from digging into scripture but I usually find my way back once routine returns.  The funny thing is that the older I get the more focused I am in finding insights and sharing my thoughts on what I read.

Right now, I'm following the study on www.SheReadsTruth.com.  The fabulous thing about it is that even if you only have a few minutes a day the scripture and accompanying discussion is powerful.  It really maximizes your time with God.  I typically have about 30 minutes to an hour during nap time but some days, as toddlers do, he decides that sleeping just isn't on his agenda.

So, the current series is on new beginnings.  What better place to start than creation, right?  Something struck me this morning during my reading, Adam's declaration in Genesis 2:23.

"And Adam said:

This is now bone of my bones

Flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man."

My first thought, "Awww, the first love poem..."  Then I started to wonder about what it actually means to be a woman in Biblical terms and began digging into the commentary at the bottom of my Bible.  What I found there struck me with a profound sense of satisfaction.  

See, I've always felt like people look at me like I'm not capable of specific things because I'm petite with blond hair and blue eyes.  I'm somehow fragile or weak or less intelligent because of the way that I look.  But God says no.  No to the idea that a woman is somehow less than a man.  No to the idea that she isn't capable of being as intelligent or weak simply because she can't bench press a couple hundred pounds of iron or open a jar of pickles.  I'll have you know that I open my fair share of jars in this house.

Earlier in chapter 2, God says that he wants Adam to have a "comparable helper."  I can see all the feminists getting hot under the collar.  Hold up.  The term "helper" is not negative in any way.  In fact, God is also referred to as a help in a time of need (Psalm 33:20) and most of us know that God is the biggest, baddest helper of them all.   Women were not created to be secondary to man like some leftover afterthought but to be a companion to man; hence, the rib.  Women are created to be a just right fit with man.

The truly spectacular thing is Adam's reaction to Eve when she is presented to him.  His love poem extols that she is just like him but different.  This intrigues and astounds him.  She is intelligent, not like any other creature he had seen on the earth.  He gave her the name Woman, which is just like his name but different.  A perfect and suitable match to him.  He is completely enamored with her.

Martin Luther said it best, "God might have taken a bone from a toe and thus signified that Adam was to rule over her; or He might have taken a bone from his head to indicate her rule over him.  But by taking a bone from his side, God implied equality and mutual respect."

The Fall brought a much more pronounced difference between the sexes but I will contend until my dying breath that we are all equal.  We are all worthy of respect without limitation to our ability.

As a side note, I am snacking on an apple as I write.  Coincidence?

It's a Resolution, Baby!

Resolution is such a cliche term.  As overused as the word "awesome" and I don't like overused words or terms.  I have a list of words that I hate and will hide people on Facebook for using.  That's a post for another day.

Anywho, one year ending seems final and another beginning is hopeful.  Unfortunately, all those new gym memberships and organizational tools that we all buy because of our new hope will just fall into the land of forgotten resolutions about halfway into February.  So as I was taking a shower this morning I couldn't help but think about last year.

So before I decide to make a resolution (eww) I am going to reflect (ugh) on some of the things I learned in 2013 so that I can make some adjustments:

I learned that just because I am not working a 9 to 5 doesn't mean I have more time.  I am evaluating my business plan and I am taking time off from school to devote myself more fully to my husband and children.  Honestly, taking December off from both school and work has been the best thing for all of us.  Before the last few weeks, I cannot remember the last time I sat in front of the TV with my husband and kids and just hung out.  My face has been glued to a monitor for the last year and I'm pretty tired of it.  This isn't to say that I won't be working but I'll be doing less of it for people who really value what I do.  I ran into some doozies this year and I left those situations feeling empty and defeated.  Sometimes I forget that I choose who I work with as much as they choose me.

My 2014 adjustments (sounds so much better and more attainable, doesn't it?):

Slow down.  My kids will only be kids once.  My relationship with my husband as a romantic partner is just as important than the one I have with him as a parent.  I easily get caught up in the day to day but there are times that I need to stop and take in what is going on around me.  When I'm so busy buying groceries, organizing, getting WODs in and making sure all the bills are paid it's easy to miss that my family is missing me emotionally.  Relax.  Breathe.  Look around.  Sure, there's a giant pile of dishes in the sink and the floor you just mopped is filthy with cookie crumbs and scraps of arts and crafts but are my kids smiling?  Is my husband laughing?  If those sounds and sights are missing then I am missing.

And something I think we can all agree to:

Stop basing your life on what you know about what's viral and what's trendy.  Stop being outraged over the Phil Robertsons and Michael Moores of the world and make those around you see the light of Christ by reaching out in love.  There are real injustices, there are differing opinions (GASP!) and there are real and meaningful interactions right at your fingertips.  We are more connected as a globe as we've ever been.  Make those interactions count for the positive.  Most of all, if there is a disagreement it is simply that; a disagreement.  Just because someone thinks differently it doesn't mean they're personally insulting you.  Learn the difference.  Live in peace.

Happy New Year!

Girls, Girls, Girls...

Did the title grab your attention?
 

"'Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion!  For behold, I am coming and will dwell in your midst,' says the Lord."

Zechariah 2:10

 

 "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!  Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem!  Behold, your King is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, lowly and riding on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey."

Zechariah 9:9

 

Daughter, a female offspring.  Daughter of Zion, a term of endearment used by God to refer to His people, believers.

Sorry to disappoint you.  The girls I'm going to be discussing today are some bad broads.  But I mean "bad" in the 90s slang good way.  On to the "bad" stuff.

Here's a little background on Zechariah:

Jerusalem has been in exile for 70 years.  Zechariah, a young prophet, tells the people that there is hope amidst desolation.  That the temple will be rebuilt and the Lord would be coming to dwell among them.  What reason would there be not to rejoice?  The spiritually bankrupt sins of their fathers had so decimated the people of Israel that they had been scattered to the four corners.  This exile was literal depiction of their hearts toward God.  But what God chastizes He will bring back to himself; as any loving Father would.

What intrigues me:

Considering the information we have on the role of women in Biblical times I have been perplexed by God's referral to His people, His believers, as a daughter.  Men were always so elevated amongst the heirarchy of social standing by Mosaic law.  Why would God chose to define His people with a feminine word?

Women were not to be completely silent, oppressed or passive victims. Consider these women:

1. Rahab, a prostitute who helped God's men escape beyond the wall,
2. Esther, who spoke to a king on behalf of her people when she was not summoned by him, a crime punishable by death and
3. Ruth, a widowed gentile who pursued Boaz in a time when the ramifications of such actions could leave her in a far more terrible state of destitution.

 These women moved with bold faith and their faith was rewarded. I long to be more like them.

Granted, there were laws to abide by for whatever reason but it was never God's intention for women to be devalued.  The law became twisted and preverted by scribes and pharisees; as all Godly things can be when left in the hands of man. One thing is for certain, women are just as important to God as any man.  The common referral to believers is, "the bride of Christ."  This referral to the body of Christ as His bride is representative of the church's soul in union with God.  Any real man knows that his wife is his greatest trust and because he is so invested in her well being she would willingly submit herself to his care (Ephesians 5:22-32). 

Surely, there are great injustices against women in the Bible and there is no denying that.  However, the same could be said of many men, especially Christ.  Sinless and blameless He endured a horrific death.  The good news: He won and with His victory we are ALL promised freedom. We were created specifically the way we are for a unique purpose.

YOU are the daughter of Zion, God's beloved.  That's a compliment. 

Warning! Warning! Too Invested In This World!

The thoughts on how to approach this subject have been rolling in my mind like little pebbles in the bed of a stream for several weeks.  Nothing was coming together coherently and I didn't know how to put it in writing.  Droplets of conversation, comments in movies or books, and social media have fueled this post.  On Sunday this video finally pushed the words to the edge and the dam that was stalling full comprehension and thought was completely demolished.

The words that needed to be spoken flooded through my pen and onto my church bulletin with ferocity.  I can only explain it as supernatural; craziness to anyone who doesn't understand how God works.  The one thing I can say with certainty is that this message must be spoken to all who will listen.  I'm insisting.

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 

Matthew 7:4 NIV

Christians, you have been deceived!  You are too invested in this world's politics and protecting your hard earned wealth.  Your determination to protect what you have accumulated from others is completely contradictory to the teachings of Christ.  Politics cannot and will not honor your Father.  It holds you in bondage and keeps your mind pinned to things that will do nothing but harm His kingdom.

His commandment was to first and foremost love God and others.  Stop picketing with signs of judgment and condemnation.  Put that energy into something that glorifies God.  Prayer is a far more powerful tool than poster board and a hug is far louder than a bullhorn.  The enemy has you so concerned with the sin and judgment of others and how terrible this world is that you don't even notice that your condemnation of the actions of others is driving people away from the radical grace that saved YOU.  You are not entitled to His love and grace.  He gave it freely to each and every one of His created people and you are wasting that gift; hoarding it as though if it is shared you will diminish your salvation.  If you've ever lied, which we all have, then you have sin that is just as black as murder or lust.  God cannot tolerate sin and yet you've determined that there are sins far worse than any that you've committed.  

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40 NIV

You are called to be a vessel of the Holy Spirit.  You are to teach and preach His good news.  Instead you are picketing the courthouse steps and screaming hellfire and brimstone to those who need to hear of His mercy, grace and love.  You will change nothing.  The only way to see real transformation is through love.  THAT is your job.  THAT is His commission to us.

Let me put it this way.  Judas betrayed Christ because He was not a messiah bent on overthrowing the political oppression of the day.  He wasn't storming Rome and telling Caeser to hit the pavement.  Sound familiar?  Because of this Judas sent Jesus to the cross to die a humble, humiliating and excruciating death.  Was it all for not?

I know this will spark debate.  I am prepared for whatever backlash this may present.  After all, how can I say this to a group of people who will remain hardened and not expect some type of denial or judgment.  Ultimately, I hope this brings forth thought and careful consideration to those who are willing to hear it.  As my pastor so astutely stated, "The Kingdom of God is seen in transformed lives that live very differently from the world around us--that seek to love the least, the last and the lost, that care for the downtrodden and aren't focused on personal fulfillment and getting their fair share."



The video is one of the many wonderful productions created by Gateway Community Church's creative team.  If you'd like to see more you can visit their vimeo at http://vimeo.com/video4gateway.  This video was not created for this blog.

Crack That Book Open

I met a woman this afternoon who had no front teeth.  When she saw my baby boy she smiled.  He looked at her confused wondering where her teeth were.  People like her carry a stigma: she must be poor if she can't get that fixed, she's probably a drug addict, she must be slow.  The story of a hard life was written all over her face but her smile sealed the stereotype of  a poor, drug addict working a part time job at the grocery store because she wasn't very bright.

The truth is something that most people don't really want to hear.  Her teeth had been knocked out by a former significant other.  "He took my teeth," were her words.  She was working at the grocery store because she wasn't allowed to think of herself as anything other than his punching bag so now this was all she was capable of doing.  Thankfully, a shelter had taken her in and saved her from this man, but the rest of the damage had been done.  My heart broke.

Society doesn't afford people who have had a rough go to be anything more than a loser.  We treat these people who need more love than others as a burden; someone to gawk at and presume we know their situation.  I know the despair this woman endured.  It's a pain and a fear that no person should ever encounter.  The person you sleep next to, the one who made a vow to protect you, is actually responsible for torturing you on a regular basis and may one day kill you.  If you are lucky enough to escape with your life then you must deal with the psychological damage.  You collapse at the thought of conflict and the walls close in if the exit of any room is blocked.  Some nights you wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down your face because he's entered your dreams.  I know that fear.  I was lucky.

It all sounds like a Lifetime movie, I know, but this stuff really does happen.  Relationships never start out violent.  It's always really good in the beginning until there's an argument that gets just a little too heated.  Then the next time it goes a little further.  Two or three years down the road you start to realize that you never wear things you want to because they've been deemed inappropriate, you don't participate in activities because you don't want the third degree on where you've been and every time there is a conflict there's another hole in the wall where it met the back of your head.  You're too ashamed to admit that you're battered.  You're Jennie Garth in Lies Of The Heart or Judith Light in one of the fifty movies she's done on the subject.

My new sister who survived the struggle is not just another stereotype.  She is hope.  Hope that there is life on the other side of a terrible situation.  Hope that even after such trauma there is still a reason to smile.  If you bother to open the tattered and weathered cover of her story you can see that she is strong.  She is beautiful.

Some of us have a support system praying and waiting for us to make the decision to get out.  A lot of us do not.  For those who don't there is help: http://www.bayareaturningpoint.org/

A new day, a new hope

He has been inagurated and now the work starts, well, the work starts after the ten balls that he has to attend today. Poor guy will be dead dog tired after all the hoopla. If I were him, I'd be tempted to take off the first day on the new job!

But all that aside, I am so excited to see what this day will bring in the next four years. Living in this area and being a Christian, I've experienced all types of judgement and differences of opinions and I've learned that there are some people that you just can't have a discussion with. Many people believe that the reason behind discussion is to argue. I believe it is to present different ideas and possibly change someone's mind. I never set out to change someone else's mind. I do believe that he has been placed in office for such a time as this. God didn't fall asleep when he was elected nor did he neglect the polls. God's is the only vote that counts. There are several misconceptions circulating about Obama's views and what he stands for but if proper research is done, proof of these misconceptions is found, especially on the moral issues.

At any rate, there is a new president. There are new possiblities. Bush did with what he had available to him and, just like any other president, experienced ups and downs during his administration. Obama will face the same.

I am ready to see what Obama can do.

Where my girls at?

I'm not what one would call a feminist by any means, but I am convinced that in a professional setting, I should be held to the same standard. . .without having to dress like a man. No power suits, please. Since I've gone back to school, I’ve been doing a lot of research with a focus on discrimination of women in journalism. It’s caused me to really question a lot of the standards that society has placed on women in the workforce and the role of the woman on the home front. Duh, that’s kind of the point of the project but anyway, I am having a hard time reconciling our places in society and our places in the home.

The second wave of the women's movement in the 70s told us that we can have it all, career and family but if we’re expected to be wife, mom, and professional, then why wouldn’t those same standards are placed on men (in the male terms, obviously)? Why do women have to place their careers on hold in order to raise the family?

At any rate, personally, I believe that a man should be the head of the household and should reign with love and consideration for his family, I am one of the dying few. But I also want to know that when I walk into a job interview, that my skills and qualities are what the employer will be looking for, not whether or not I have testosterone coursing through my body. But that also means duality in child rearing and chores and bill paying. Where is the balance? Is it even possible to find a balance? What do you think?