Excuses, excuses

So, I'm late to the party on this one:

Let me just point out, I look nothing like Maria Kang.  I'm thin, yes, but I'm not a fitness model or a wellness coach.  I don't have three kids under the age of three.  That's pure insanity and kudos to those who can manage.  Odds are this woman was in fantastic shape prior to getting pregnant and during her pregnancy.  You don't just pop into the gym with an 8 month old, much less two other small children, and manage to look like this.  But I digress.

What's my excuse?

Well, I don't have one.

I have reasons.  Three really good reasons that fill up my newsfeed or Instagram account on a daily basis.  Three really pretty reasons, if I do say so myself.  I also have a small business and a church that I give some time to.  Up until last semester, I was also in school part time.  By the time I lay my head on my pillow, around midnight usually, my day has been filled with projects, clients, homework, cooking, cleaning and diapers.  And I love it.  That's my life.  That's my reason.

She's recently been under fire again with a new picture and a new "no excuse" campaign.  She's attempting to be "inspirational" and not understanding that her priorities don't equate to everyone else's priorities and that's really what this is all about.  She.  Just.  Doesn't.  Get.  It.

You can read the entire article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/07/maria-kang-photo-excuse_n_4918766.html.

I go for gusto in everything I do.  To look like this I would have to spend a few hours a week in a gym.  That means something in my life would slip.  I'm not willing to give up that time with my family or my business or my church to make sure I'm a "hot mom."  Sister, we aren't all built to be "strong, not skinny."  These images and this "campaign" is unintentionally shaming people into thinking we don't do enough when the truth of the matter is that we all do too much.

In the article she says that to raise a healthy child you must be a  healthy parent.  Well, duh.  But healthy isn't all about the body.  My daughter doesn't need to see me pose in my short shorts and my sports bra to get the idea that eating right and staying active is healthy.  She needs to see me live a life of faith.  She needs to see me take care of her and interact with others in a positive way.

If these images motivate you then by all means use them!!!  If they don't, then don't.  My problem is this: these things have a way of burying themselves in your subconscious.  They pop up when you're doing something as insignificant as putting on your jeans that you don't wear like you did before the last kid.  Let's think about the definition of health and the definition of excuse.  Put these two things in perspective before attempting to "motivate" the world by insinuating that we're all a bunch of fat losers if we don't look like you.

Bitter?  No.  Irritated?  Yes.

My life is not her life.  My path is not her path.  My family is not her family.  I look the way I look and live the way I live because I want it that way.  No excuse to be found.

But you're just a girl

This morning I cracked my Bible for the first time in 2014.  Every morning, while the boy naps, I open the pages of this book.  There are times when the hustle and bustle of out the scheduled norm takes me away from digging into scripture but I usually find my way back once routine returns.  The funny thing is that the older I get the more focused I am in finding insights and sharing my thoughts on what I read.

Right now, I'm following the study on www.SheReadsTruth.com.  The fabulous thing about it is that even if you only have a few minutes a day the scripture and accompanying discussion is powerful.  It really maximizes your time with God.  I typically have about 30 minutes to an hour during nap time but some days, as toddlers do, he decides that sleeping just isn't on his agenda.

So, the current series is on new beginnings.  What better place to start than creation, right?  Something struck me this morning during my reading, Adam's declaration in Genesis 2:23.

"And Adam said:

This is now bone of my bones

Flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man."

My first thought, "Awww, the first love poem..."  Then I started to wonder about what it actually means to be a woman in Biblical terms and began digging into the commentary at the bottom of my Bible.  What I found there struck me with a profound sense of satisfaction.  

See, I've always felt like people look at me like I'm not capable of specific things because I'm petite with blond hair and blue eyes.  I'm somehow fragile or weak or less intelligent because of the way that I look.  But God says no.  No to the idea that a woman is somehow less than a man.  No to the idea that she isn't capable of being as intelligent or weak simply because she can't bench press a couple hundred pounds of iron or open a jar of pickles.  I'll have you know that I open my fair share of jars in this house.

Earlier in chapter 2, God says that he wants Adam to have a "comparable helper."  I can see all the feminists getting hot under the collar.  Hold up.  The term "helper" is not negative in any way.  In fact, God is also referred to as a help in a time of need (Psalm 33:20) and most of us know that God is the biggest, baddest helper of them all.   Women were not created to be secondary to man like some leftover afterthought but to be a companion to man; hence, the rib.  Women are created to be a just right fit with man.

The truly spectacular thing is Adam's reaction to Eve when she is presented to him.  His love poem extols that she is just like him but different.  This intrigues and astounds him.  She is intelligent, not like any other creature he had seen on the earth.  He gave her the name Woman, which is just like his name but different.  A perfect and suitable match to him.  He is completely enamored with her.

Martin Luther said it best, "God might have taken a bone from a toe and thus signified that Adam was to rule over her; or He might have taken a bone from his head to indicate her rule over him.  But by taking a bone from his side, God implied equality and mutual respect."

The Fall brought a much more pronounced difference between the sexes but I will contend until my dying breath that we are all equal.  We are all worthy of respect without limitation to our ability.

As a side note, I am snacking on an apple as I write.  Coincidence?

Crack That Book Open

I met a woman this afternoon who had no front teeth.  When she saw my baby boy she smiled.  He looked at her confused wondering where her teeth were.  People like her carry a stigma: she must be poor if she can't get that fixed, she's probably a drug addict, she must be slow.  The story of a hard life was written all over her face but her smile sealed the stereotype of  a poor, drug addict working a part time job at the grocery store because she wasn't very bright.

The truth is something that most people don't really want to hear.  Her teeth had been knocked out by a former significant other.  "He took my teeth," were her words.  She was working at the grocery store because she wasn't allowed to think of herself as anything other than his punching bag so now this was all she was capable of doing.  Thankfully, a shelter had taken her in and saved her from this man, but the rest of the damage had been done.  My heart broke.

Society doesn't afford people who have had a rough go to be anything more than a loser.  We treat these people who need more love than others as a burden; someone to gawk at and presume we know their situation.  I know the despair this woman endured.  It's a pain and a fear that no person should ever encounter.  The person you sleep next to, the one who made a vow to protect you, is actually responsible for torturing you on a regular basis and may one day kill you.  If you are lucky enough to escape with your life then you must deal with the psychological damage.  You collapse at the thought of conflict and the walls close in if the exit of any room is blocked.  Some nights you wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down your face because he's entered your dreams.  I know that fear.  I was lucky.

It all sounds like a Lifetime movie, I know, but this stuff really does happen.  Relationships never start out violent.  It's always really good in the beginning until there's an argument that gets just a little too heated.  Then the next time it goes a little further.  Two or three years down the road you start to realize that you never wear things you want to because they've been deemed inappropriate, you don't participate in activities because you don't want the third degree on where you've been and every time there is a conflict there's another hole in the wall where it met the back of your head.  You're too ashamed to admit that you're battered.  You're Jennie Garth in Lies Of The Heart or Judith Light in one of the fifty movies she's done on the subject.

My new sister who survived the struggle is not just another stereotype.  She is hope.  Hope that there is life on the other side of a terrible situation.  Hope that even after such trauma there is still a reason to smile.  If you bother to open the tattered and weathered cover of her story you can see that she is strong.  She is beautiful.

Some of us have a support system praying and waiting for us to make the decision to get out.  A lot of us do not.  For those who don't there is help: http://www.bayareaturningpoint.org/

When lightning strikes

There are always those moments in life that just seem perfect. It's as if lightning strikes and you happen to be standing there with a steel rod. Those moments are few and far between but they are never erased and they almost seem like a Hollywood creation.

I am learning to embrace these moments no matter the consequence, no matter how the situation will turn out. Sometimes it’s worth it just to feel like everything is right even if it is for just a little while. I’m not saying that we should live recklessly because it feels good, but we should at least attempt to live life to its fullest because it’s those little things that make the hard times easier to deal with. When something doesn’t go right it’s awesome to have those “perfect moments” to replay. There is no such thing as too good to be true. Granted things are not always what they seem but they are for a little while, even if it’s just in my head.

I refuse to live with regret and I can only look back to learn but must look forward with a hope for something better. There are some fond memories behind me but greater memories are lying ahead of me and I am determined not to miss out on them because I’m second guessing my decision. I have always felt that my life is segmented by events and it’s amazing to me to see the person I was at each point in my life and the person that I am growing into. I have to be honest, or conceited, and admit that I really like this person that I am becoming.