Eat A Sandwich

I have fought writing this for months.  Considering my last post was a few months ago and it was on the topic of excuses as to why I don't look like a fitness model, I really didn't want to write another post on body image.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to escape it.

There's a new term hanging around these days.  You may have heard it in the media.

Shaming.

Fat.
Skinny.
Slut.
Parent.
Kids.
Bullies.
Pets.

The list goes on and on.  People are not only using the mainstream media to shame others or outcry against shaming but they're taking to social media.  Parents post images of their kids after they pooped in the crib (because Junior will really appreciate that being brought up at his job interview in 20 years).  Pets are holding signs declaring that they tore up the living room.  Teenagers are holding signs saying they stole money from mom's purse (also, great interview material).  Trolls scan images of girls in half dress or girls who are not the ideal societal body type and rip them to shreds.

She's tall and thin.  The angle the photo was taken makes her appear even taller.  It wasn't Health's use of this woman as a model for an article titled, "Walk off 10 pounds in 3 weeks with this routine" that I found appalling (that was just poor planning on the part of social media director), it was the comments found below the picture that made me sick.

How about put on 20 pounds. She looks like a piece of rope.

Anorexia nervosa

Excessive use of Photoshop.

Looks like she walked off her ass

She needs to walk herself to the donut shop and find herself ten pounds to put on...

That girl is way too skinny

This girl looks ill

This chick needs a cheeseburger, plain and simple.

Not attractive, not what you want to crawl up to in bed. Those boney limbs poking you would hurt. Cheeseburger, fries, shake and cake. I'm surprised she has enough strength to walk. My biggest fear is that something would break during sex!

The last comment was my personal favorite.  Wonder if my husband feels that way?  To be fair, I've walked around my whole life and I've never broken anything.  And if this guy delivers, I'll be happy to take a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.

Do you know how many times I've heard these exact same things?  As a matter of fact, I stopped wearing all forms of skirts, dresses and shorts in middle school because I was tired of hearing the term "chicken legs" and I didn't start wearing them again until long after I graduated high school  I was tormented by everyone for having a "flat chest" and I rarely wore sleeveless shirts because of the "toothpicks" I had for arms.  This isn't a blog about how terribly I was bullied, because adolescence just sucks and everyone is teased about something.  This is moreso how we treat one another based on ideals conditioned by society because to this day I still get comments about how skinny I am.  

For some reason, it's okay to shame a skinny girl because she's skinny.  It's okay to poke fun at stereotypes like the one where we somehow "forget to eat," is a skinny person problem.  Oh, we're so funny because we're anorexic.  Haha.

Stop telling us to eat a sandwich.  Stop telling us that we need to put on a few pounds.  We can't.  My husband can tell you that a few years ago I tried to gain muscle mass.  Protein powders, heavy protein meals, supplements, work outs...nothing worked.

Also, don't assume that a skinny girl has an eating disorder unless you see without a doubt that she has symptoms of one (and contrary to popular belief, it's not a "lucky" disorder to have).  Here's a list you should check if you think someone is struggling:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anorexia/basics/symptoms/con-20033002

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bulimia/basics/symptoms/con-20033050

On the other hand, it is not okay to tell someone they need to lose a few pounds or to tell them they need to eat less.

Having any kind of comment to make about someone else's body, a generalized meme to post on social media, a comment on the way someone looks or dresses is not appropriate unless it is a compliment, and no, I don't consider remarks about how skinny I am to be a compliment.

Each one of these women are beautiful.  They all weigh the same.  They all carry it differently.  All that matters is that they are healthy.  No social standard of beauty should dampen that.  Body image is hard enough in the battlefields of our own minds, none of us need anyone else adding fuel to the flames of warfare.  Granted, there are times when unhealthy habits will need to be addressed but there's a difference between concern and being a flat out jerk.  Sometimes it's a fine line but if you have to start the comment with "He/She looks like" and there's something unflattering attached to the end of the comment then it's best left unsaid.

What about you?  Do you have an insecurity that others seem to comment on?  Are you guilty of picking on someone because of the way they look?

Be a change agent.

Oh, and leave Junior's unsavory moments off Facebook.  His future depends on it.

Excuses, excuses

So, I'm late to the party on this one:

Let me just point out, I look nothing like Maria Kang.  I'm thin, yes, but I'm not a fitness model or a wellness coach.  I don't have three kids under the age of three.  That's pure insanity and kudos to those who can manage.  Odds are this woman was in fantastic shape prior to getting pregnant and during her pregnancy.  You don't just pop into the gym with an 8 month old, much less two other small children, and manage to look like this.  But I digress.

What's my excuse?

Well, I don't have one.

I have reasons.  Three really good reasons that fill up my newsfeed or Instagram account on a daily basis.  Three really pretty reasons, if I do say so myself.  I also have a small business and a church that I give some time to.  Up until last semester, I was also in school part time.  By the time I lay my head on my pillow, around midnight usually, my day has been filled with projects, clients, homework, cooking, cleaning and diapers.  And I love it.  That's my life.  That's my reason.

She's recently been under fire again with a new picture and a new "no excuse" campaign.  She's attempting to be "inspirational" and not understanding that her priorities don't equate to everyone else's priorities and that's really what this is all about.  She.  Just.  Doesn't.  Get.  It.

You can read the entire article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/07/maria-kang-photo-excuse_n_4918766.html.

I go for gusto in everything I do.  To look like this I would have to spend a few hours a week in a gym.  That means something in my life would slip.  I'm not willing to give up that time with my family or my business or my church to make sure I'm a "hot mom."  Sister, we aren't all built to be "strong, not skinny."  These images and this "campaign" is unintentionally shaming people into thinking we don't do enough when the truth of the matter is that we all do too much.

In the article she says that to raise a healthy child you must be a  healthy parent.  Well, duh.  But healthy isn't all about the body.  My daughter doesn't need to see me pose in my short shorts and my sports bra to get the idea that eating right and staying active is healthy.  She needs to see me live a life of faith.  She needs to see me take care of her and interact with others in a positive way.

If these images motivate you then by all means use them!!!  If they don't, then don't.  My problem is this: these things have a way of burying themselves in your subconscious.  They pop up when you're doing something as insignificant as putting on your jeans that you don't wear like you did before the last kid.  Let's think about the definition of health and the definition of excuse.  Put these two things in perspective before attempting to "motivate" the world by insinuating that we're all a bunch of fat losers if we don't look like you.

Bitter?  No.  Irritated?  Yes.

My life is not her life.  My path is not her path.  My family is not her family.  I look the way I look and live the way I live because I want it that way.  No excuse to be found.

Greater expectations

I wasn’t too long ago that I decided that people are just too hard to understand. The only person’s motives that I can fully explain are my own. . .well, okay so not all of the time but at least I have control over what I do. Recently, I have learned to completely let go of my expectations of other people and I am finding that I am much happier.

I can’t please people. I can’t even begin to try. I don’t expect people to please me all the time so it shouldn’t be expected of me, either. We all let someone down at some point or another. Guess what? It’s because we are human. Imperfect. Whether or not you think someone will regret a decision or if they choose not to accept your advice is not up to you.

I have a tendency to be a little meticulous and heavy handed when it comes to those that I care about. Truly, it is because I want the best for them but they have to want that for themselves as well. Instead of sitting idly by and watching people screw up, (because really, it‘s like a bad car accident. . .you can‘t help but look) I’ve learned to remove myself from the situation. I have a sick obsession for worrying for someone else when they don’t seem to care enough to do anything for themselves.

Learning to let it all go has been liberating. Learning to love who I am has been even more so. I am something special. We all are. Allowing relationships or circumstances that are beyond our control run us is self destructive and a waste of precious time. Life should be enjoyed. It’s up to us to allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are with no apology.